Crayon Days
by jitterwhack
Summary: Look alive and shout hoorays. Jitterwhacks back and so's crayon days. Racial slurs and dirty jokes, daddy's back to entertain you folks!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: **The following is a nonprofit fanfiction of RWBY. RWBY belongs to Monty Oum(RIP) and Rooster Teeth. Any likeness to writings of others is not intentional. To help with improvements: Read and Review!**

 **AN: Jitters is back to tickle that funny bone! …Now zip up your pants because it's not that kind of tickle. Haha! Yup! I'm breaking out the dirty jokes and pop culture references. I've been seeing a lot of crack fics and while some were great, it's buried under a ton of other crack that's hard to finish.**

 **…**

 **Wow that sounds wrong out of context. Anyway, hope you enjoy the fic.**

 **Episode 1**

Kids should have shotguns

Summer Rose enjoyed the time she was having talking with her fellow single mother Tifania, while the kids were off on their play date in the park. The two mothers were currently sitting on a bench near a lake shooting the breeze and just getting away from the topic on Grimm slaying and their failed love lives.

"-and that's why I have to move Jaune to Lantern." Tifania sighed, happy to share the latest event with someone. "On the bright side, I was able to sue and get enough cash to move out of the red light district."

"That's great." Summer smiled, truly happy for her. She could finally take her daughter to her friend's home without fear of contracting any diseases or running into the night women.

"I'll say." The busty brunette smiled, feeling like a winner for once. "It's bad enough looking after Jaune alone, but when the hookers and pimps are helping out? That's not something I want to put on his resume if he wants to go to combat school."

"At least he's getting educated by people." The white cloaked mother groaned. "Ruby just watches TV most of the day. Last time I was watching my soaps, she came up to me asking when the evil twin gets his head shot off. I think she's become desensitized to violence."

"I-I'm sure it'll be a phase that'll die out with time." Tifania assured her while trying to laugh it off but failing. "…We're not bad mothers, are we?"

"Not bad mothers, but I'd say failures of ones." A cool and mature female voice said, grabbing the two's attention. Looking to the source, they saw Raven Branwen walking to them with little Yang in a yellow sundress.

While Tifania was on good terms with her, Summer was a whole different story. Team STRQ used to be one close knit tight family, but that all changed when the two girls went after the only blonde in their team. After tons of fighting and people getting hurt in the process, Taiyang made his decision.

It hurt Summer when Tai chose Raven over her, but she was willing to back down after Yang was born. She was still civil, but she slowly drifted away from the two to move on with Qrow going his own way. Then during a mission, she bumped into the blonde and they did some catching up. Turns out, Raven was a dominating wife that was pushing Taiyang into early depression. After a lot of drinking on both parts, Summer woke up next to the blonde man and Ruby was born nine months later.

Of course in the time in between, Raven found out and called the two out on it. She refused to give her husband up, but by court orders Taiyang had to pay Summer for child support. Truthfully, the single mother was over Taiyang by the time Yang was born and was just to busy to visit more often. Sadly, Raven didn't see it that way and kept accusing her of being a homewrecker.

"Why don't you go and play with the others, Yang?" Raven nudged her daughter to the playground.

After her daughter ran to play with the other kids, she sat down next to Tifania with Summer on the other side. After a moment of silence with the two enemies glaring at one another, it was Tifania that decided to speak.

"Um, you two aren't going to fight like before, are you?" The brunette asked, hoping for some peace. "Because the last time I got involved, I woke up naked next to a black guy and an aching crotch. Then Jaune was born."

"Don't worry, Tifania." Raven smiled, patting her friend's shoulder. "We're not going to- wait, what?"

The two enemies stopped their cold glares to stare at their friend, then to her son, then back to her, then back to each other. They wanted to ask, but were afraid their question would lose them one of the only female companions willing to put up with them.

 **With the kids**

"And that's how you suck a bottle cap off." Jaune told Ruby while holding a now uncapped bottle of soda with the cap in his teeth. "Dahlia said it's a nice trick at parties or when you want to avoid a shotgun wedding. Don't know why though."

Ruby clapped as her friend gave her soda back.

"I want a shotgun wedding." Ruby smiled, imagining getting married while shooting shotguns in the air with cake and confetti. "Kids should have shotguns."

"I know." The blonde said, waving a hand in front of him. "Adults must like boring things if they don't want to shoot guns at weddings."

"Hello." Yang greeted them as she got close. "My name's Yang. You guys wanna play hide n seek?"

"Okay." Ruby smiled, not knowing she was talking to her half sister. "I'm Ruby, and this is Jaune."

"Yo." The blonde boy smiled, getting up to dust his pants. "So who's it?"

"I'll go first." The little dark redhead offered, walking over to a pole to count. "I'm only going up to ten, so you guys better hide now."

Not wanting to be found first, the two blondes ran off to find a place to hide.

 **With Yang**

 **A few minutes later**

The little blonde girl was looking everywhere for a nice spot to hide. Ruby was really close to finding her, but she was able to avoid being seen. While going off to the bathroom to wash her hands, she ran into an older kid with red hair and horns on his head. She couldn't tell what his eyes were like because he was wearing dark shades, but he had a scowl on his face and was looking mad. She tried to avoid eye contact, but he saw her and called her out.

"You seen a girl with long black hair?" He asked angrily, stomping towards her. "Has amber eyes, wears a bow. Anyone like that?"

"Nope." Yang squeaked, not wanting to be anywhere near the angry boy.

"If you do see her, tell her Adam was looking for her." He said, pointing a thumb at his chest before walking off.

Shaking off the feeling of fear, Yang ran off to find a new hiding spot. Just as she was about to go behind a tree, she saw a bush rustle. Curious, she went over and heard someone whispering. As she got closer she saw a girl with black hair and a bow with binoculars in hand talking to Jaune while trying to push him out.

"Well I was here first so it makes it my bush!" The girl whispered angrily, hand over Jaune's mouth as she continued to push. She only let go when he blew on her hand to make a farting noise. "That's disgusting!"

"It's your hand that pooted on my face." The blonde said, moving closer in to hide his body.

"Why am I even talking to you." The girl growled, turning back to look into her binoculars only to get a view of pumpkin bloomers. "Huh?"

Yang was squatting in front of her and was watching the two talk. It was funny watching her fellow blonde make the girl angry.

"Can you get out of the way?" The girl asked, motioning for Yang to move aside. "You're in the way of me assessing the population of the park's masses."

"I don't know why you want to check out popular asses, but okay." Jaune shrugged, pulling the back of his pants down to show his cheeks.

"I said population of the park's masses, not asses!" The girl shouted, trying not to laugh at the sight.

Yang on the other hand was laughing at seeing someone's butt. She was still five, so childish things were still funny to her.

"There you are!" Adam showed up, opening the bush to see Jaune's butt. "Ah… .Blake? Why is there a kid showing his butt?"

"H-hey Adam." Blake coughed into her hand, getting out of the bush.

"Ah-ha I found you!" Ruby shouted in joy, finding her friends. It immediately turned into laughter seeing Jaune's butt still being shown.

"I'm surrounded by idiots." The bull faunus groaned, walking away from them. "Blake. Be ready to go soon. …And tell that kid to pull her pants up!"

"Her?" Jaune looked to Yang, who wasn't wasn't wearing pants.

"He meant you, dumbass!" Blake told the blonde who was getting out of the bush. "Pull your damn pants up."

"So your name's Blake?" Jaune smiled, covering his butt and getting out of the bush. "I thought you were a girl with the bow and the long hair."

"I AM A GIRL!" She shouted in anger. She's always tried to act calm and cool like Adam and the other older kids, but this kid kept pissing her off.

"Oh that's good." He sighed, walking to stand with his friends. "I thought you were a tranny like my neighbor across the hall."

"…I hate you so much." She seethed, walking away with heavy stomps.

Now it was back to the three of them once more, Yang was now the seeker with Jaune and Ruby hiding from her.

Home Night Life

 **Noon - Raven's home**

"So how was your day sweety?" Taiyang asked his daughter as Raven prepared the table. "Did you make any new friends?"

"Yeah." She smiled, washing her hands. "I met this nice girl named Ruby, and a funny boy named Jaune."

"…oh, so Summer and Tif's kids, huh?" He nodded, happy his daughter made good friends. "So you guys played a lot?"

"Yeah." She laughed, remembering the day. "It got really funny after I ran into this scary kid."

"A scary kid?" He asked, entertaining her to go on. "What was he like?"

"He was angry." She said in a dramatic tone. "And really horny too."

A plate broke in the dining room as Raven dropped it overhearing her daughter's description. While Yang was talking about Adam's horns, her parents were thinking of something else.

"R-really?" The father said with a strained smile.

"Yeah. He was looking for this girl and asked me if I seen her." Se continued, not seeing the mood of her dad. "When I said no, he looked even more mad. But then I did find her. And I found Jaune too."

"So where was Jaune?" He really needed to change topics from the horny kid.

"He was in the girl's bush." The little blonde girl said innocently. "She was trying to push him out, but he wouldn't leave so she got mad and ignored him."

"Oh my gawd." Taiyang groaned, not liking how his daughter was telling things.

"She was trying to look at… pop… popu…" Yang was having difficulty remembering what Blake was observing. "Now I remember! She was looking for popular asses! Then Jaune showed his butt, and it was funny."

"I'm afraid to ask, but what happened next?" Raven asked, walking towards them with a splitting headache growing.

"Then the horny guy found us!" She said like it was amazing. "But then he saw Jaune's butt and walked away."

"What was the name of the girl?" Her mother asked, hoping to get a reference.

"Her name's … her name is…" Yang couldn't remember it so well. She did remember that it was like a boys name though. Then she finally got it. "Her name's Adam. Yeah. She was mad because Jaune thought she was a guy because of her name."

Needless to say, the Branwen- Xiao Long house was a mix of emotions and reactions that night.

 **Ruby's home**

"Thanks for letting us eat here Summer." Tifania said gratefully, frying a fish fillet while Summer prepared the salad. "You would not believe what goes on in my neighbor's side."

"I like eating next door." Jaune piped in, sitting at the table. "Miss Luna's tuna tastes really good."

"U-um…" Summer stuttered, looking to his mother.

"He really means tuna." The brunette groaned. "Jaune's been going over to eat at one of our neighbor's from time to time."

"Well that's nice of her." Ruby's mom smiled, happy to know there was still some neighborly love.

"It's also fun when she let's me eat it off her with the other ladies." Jaune smiled, not knowing how inappropriate it was for his age.

"R-really." Scratch that last. It was too much love from the looks of it. "How… nice."

"I've told him many times not to go there, but he slips by me every time." His mother sobbed while taking a finished dish out. "Is my cooking that bad you have to eat somewhere else?!"

"No, it's just that their food tastes a lot better." The little blonde boy said innocently.

"Just… Just go watch TV with Ruby or something." Tifania groaned, not able to get mad at his crude honesty.

Doing as he was told, Jaune left the two mothers alone to watch Supernatural with Ruby. After he left, there was an awkward silence between the two moms with the only sounds being the oil frying and the TV in the other room.

"The worst part is that he thinks Luna and her friends are sailors because they're always around 'sea men.'" The brunette said hollowly, breaking the silence.

"D-did you know Qrow's coming over?" Summer asked to change topics.

"Really?" Tifania asked, thankful for something else to talk about. "Anything special going on that I should know about?"

"Please." The white cloaked mom scoffed. "With Raven still demonizing me; me dating Qrow would be like serving my head to her on a silver platter."

As the too continued to talk, they heard the front door opening and a boisterous scratchy laugh that came with it.

"Yup." The brunette nodded, knowing those horrible manners anywhere. "That's him alright."

 **In the living room with the kids**

"Hi Qrow." Ruby waved to her mom's friend.

"Hey pipsqueak." The half drunk hunter greeted, walking to sit with them with six bottles of booze in hand. Spotting Jaune looking at him, he pointed to him while still looking at Ruby. "Who's the blonde girl? I'm still sober enough to know it's not Yang."

"This is Jaune." The little girl introduced her friend while pulling him into a hug. "He's Aunt T's son."

"Woah, you're a boy?" The older man said in mild shock. "Wait, Jaune? So you're Tif's kid. Nice to finally meet ya."

"Toast." The drunkard continued, taking a bottle and failing to pull the cap off. "Hey Rubes. Think you can get the bottle opener?"

Instead of getting the item, Ruby just gave it Jaune and watched as he put the bottle in his mouth and sucked the cap off then spat it into his hand. Ruby clapped again at seeing the trick while Qrow looked with amazement at the trick.

"Hey." The man said impressed. "Where'd you learn that? Think you could teach how to do it?"

He didn't care how wrong it looked. The kid just showed him it was possible to open beer bottles when bottle openers weren't around. Sure there was the whole martial arts trick with the hand, but what he saw looked more time saving in his opinion. Plus if he ever got into a bar fight, he could still open one up and super spit the cap like a drunken badass.

While the drunkard was talking with his friends' kids, the two mothers peaked out to see him getting along with them nicely.

"I think you and Jaune should spend the night here." Summer told her fellow single mom. "After the things I've heard, I cant sleep sound knowing what you two are living around."

"Summer, you are an angel." Tifania smiled, hugging her friend.

"Ow!" Qrow seethed, rubbing his jaw in pain. "Sonuvabitch!"

"You don't use your teeth." Jaune instructed, opening another bottle which Qrow guzzled down quickly. "It's going to hurt if you do. It's all in the lips and the sucking."

"…I really need to get him out of that neighborhood." Tifania whispered, burying her head into Summer's shoulder.

"There's an open house two blocks over if you're interested." Summer whispered, rubbing her friends head soothingly.

It was a nice night in the Rose house as Qrow continued to try and open a bottle with his mouth but failed each time.

 **End**

 **AN: Yup. Dirty jokes galore! You guys find the references and all the dirty jokes? Don't worry, if you know me all the other characters will be showing up soon. Oh yeah, I still need to put the omake.**

 **Omake**

 **Blake and Adam's hideout**

"So Blake." Adam coughed into his hands with a blush after the caretaker left them. "That blonde girl in the park. You get her name?"

"Blonde girl?" Blake replayed her memory to remember her name. "Yeah, her name's Yang."

Thanking her, Adam ushered her up the stairs as he stayed down to ponder his thoughts. He wasn't someone to fall for a human so easily, but the way she was nice to Blake made him think of her in a special way.

"Yang, huh?" Adam said, remembering the way she looked.

He was three years older than Blake, and she looked about the same age; Maybe even months more. Her blonde hair was so pretty. And her eyes. Adam sighed as he compared them to jewels and flowers. But there was one thing that Adam would always remember about her.

"That ass." He smiled, feeling funny remembering Yang's butt when she was in the bushes with Blake.

He may be nine, but he's mature for his age. He doesn't believe in cooties or all that talk of icky girls like other boys do.

 **END?**

 **AN: Yeah. I cant remember where I saw Jaune as a kid in girl clothes, but when I did I was like 'Damn!' He really looked so much like a girl I felt this had to happen. Does this mean there will be girly Ren too? Hehe. You'll see. I think if you google it, then the pictures will show up because there was a flower girl and a kimono one.**


	2. Slick Daddy says Good Luck

Disclaimer: **The following is a nonprofit fanfiction of RWBY. RWBY belongs to Monty Oum(RIP) and Rooster Teeth. Any likeness to writings of others is not intentional. To help with improvements: Read and Review!**

 **AN: And another shot coming at ya! I'm going to limit the diry jokes in the notes to better use them in the chapter. Happy to see some good reviews, so I'm putting out… another chapter.**

* * *

 **Episode 2**

Slick Daddy says good luck

"Thanks again for helping me clear out the place." Tifania said to Summer as she picked up another box to put in the truck.

It was moving day for her and her son, and Summer volunteered to help move them out.

"It's no problem." Summer smiled, heaving a box full of Jaune's clothes. "Since Qrow is in town, I asked him to look after Ruby while I help you out. By the way, where's Jaune?"

"He went to say by to our neighbors." The brunette mother shrugged. "Since it's the last time we may see them, I'm letting him have this."

Picking up some of his toys, the mother looked over the things that were presents from the neighbors to her son. She remembered how they all entertained him and how kind they were to him.

"You know, despite their …occupation." Tifania mumbled. "They're still nice people. I guess will miss them, a bit."

 **With Jaune**

While the single moms were cleaning up, Jaune was out saying by to friends and neighbors. By now, he was leaving the porno shop where his anime buddy worked.

"Thanks again for the free DVDs Henta." Jaune smiled, waving with a bag of anime shows in the other hand.

"I'm gonna miss you anime buddy." The chubby man sobbed, wiping a tear.

Walking along, the blonde boy had more places to go. Looking over the buildings, he didn't see who was in front of him and bumped into an older man. After apologizing, he looked up to see a dark skinned man wearing a baby blue suit with a cravat and a white cowboy hat sporting a lot of golf chains and rings on his fingers. On lookers gasped as they saw the man look down on the little kid with a scowl.

"Hey, Slick Daddy!" The blonde greeted with a smile, seeing another one of his friends.

"Little Jauney, my man." The pimp smiled, lowering himself to give his neighbor a high five. "What's with the rush?"

"I'm saying bye to everyone, cause my mom found us a house." He said with sad smile.

"Aww." The older man nodded, pulling a ring off his pinky to give to the kid. "Well you take this ring to remember me and all that I taught you. And when you see your mom, tell her I said good luck."

"Okay." The little boy nodded.

"Now come give Slick Daddy a goodbye hug." After getting a hug and Jaune moved on, the pimp looked around to see people staring at him. "The hell are y'all looking at?"

 **At the apartment - A few minutes later**

The single moms had finally finished putting everything in the truck and were just waiting on Jaune to arrive. When they did see him, he was being followed by four ladies happily talking to him while tearing up.

"U-um, Tifania. Tifania!" Summer whispered hysterically while pulling on her friend's arm.

"Yeah." Tifania huffed with a tired grin, feeling herself getting white hairs. "That's Luna and friends."

"Hi Tiffie!" A busty blonde with pigtails waved, running up to her. "Oh, I'm going to miss you and Jaune. It's always fun with you two."

"It's going to be okay Luna." The mother tried to sound sincere. "You'll find someone new to have fun with."

"So Tifs." Another blonde with short hair asked in a flirty tone, walking to wrap around the brunette while eyeing Summer. "Who's the cutie in white?"

"Really Michi?" Another long haired blonde scoffed, pulling her away from Tifania. "They're leaving and you still flirt?"

"What can I say, Venus?" Michi sighed airily. "I want them to remember me as I was."

"You're such an a…" Venus turned to the little boy being hugged by their other friend while staring at her. "You're such a Uranus."

"We're gonna miss you Jaune." The last girl with dark hair sobbed, sandwiching the little boy in between her breasts. "You're the only one I enjoy putting between my boobs."

"I'm gonna miss you too Mars." Jaune sighed, hugging the older woman who his mom was dangerously being wary of.

"Okay, time to go!" Tifania shouted, prying his son out of Mars's arms and cleavage.

"Can I ride in the back with all our stuff?" Her son asked, jumping to sit in between the crates.

"…Okay, but don't go standing up." The mother warned him while making sure nothing would slide. She then noticed the ring and DVDs in his hands. "Where did you get those?"

"From Henta and Slick Daddy." He said, showing the metal ring loose on his finger. "Oh yeah. Slick Daddy says good luck."

"…That's nice of him." While mother and son talked, Summer was quivering while the Michi girl was eyeing her up and down. She soon bolted into the passenger seat when the now obvious lesbian licked her lips suggestively.

"Okay, I think that's all the goodbyes." Summer called out to her friend. "I think we should be going now. Hahahaha! …Tifania, lets go!"

As they drove off, Luna and friends shouted their goodbyes one more time as the truck was moving. Mars had followed to give Jaune her last message.

"Don't be a stranger, Jaune." She cried, running after the truck. "If you're still cute and not a gross fatso when you turn thirteen, remember to come see me! Heck! If you can reach the gas pedal by nine come on over! I'll help you become a man!"

Hearing that, Tifania floored it with exhaust smacking the lady in the face and turned the first corner she took to lose her. The dark haired lady of the night coughed while wiping her eyes as she walked back to her friends.

"I'm gonna miss him so much." Mars cried into Luna's shoulder. "I didn't even give him his special goodbye kiss."

"I didn't even get a chance to motorboat his mom." Michi sighed with a lone tear falling out. "And that ass too. Such a plump and pliable ass."

"Uranus." Venus shook her head, walking into the apartment.

 **With the truck**

"So…" Tifania said to Summer, not turning away from the road.

"Let's never talk about that." The white cloaked mother shuddered. "Ever."

"What?" The driver teased. "I think Michi was into you. When it was me, she was only looking at my chest. But she was all on you. Mostly on your cute face."

"I don't wanna talk about it!" Summer cried, shaking her head.

"Maybe she wanted to sit on it." Tifania laughed, happy it wasn't her for a change.

"You're surprisingly happy even after one them was going pedo on your son." She shot back, gripping her cloak tight.

"Hey. As far as I'm concerned, we are done with that place." The brunette huffed, happy to be moving. "I'll be happy when Jaune grows up and forgets that place."

After minutes of thinking of something to comeback with, Summer had a question she was curious about. "Who's Slick Daddy?"

House Warming

It took a day and a half with the help of Summer and Qrow, but Tifania finally got her house settled. Everything was unpacked, Jaune was finally enrolled to go to Lantern the next day, and they were finally out of the red light district. There was only one thing left to do.

"Cheers!" The three adults and two kids shouted, clinking their glasses of juice and beer.

Her new house was a few blocks away from Summer so it was a short walk away. Ruby was excited that she could see Jaune and her everyday now, and her son felt the same. He was still a bit sad to leave the others in the shady neighbourhood, but with a change of friends and he'd be fine. That's what Tifania was hoping for at least.

DINGDONG

"Huh?" The busty brunette said, looking to the door. "That must be Raven and Yang."

During their talk in the park, Tifania begged the two moms to finally get over their blood feud and go back to being friends once more. If not for them, then at least for her.

"Jauney." A voice called through the door.

Tifania and Summer's blood ran cold hearing that voice. The brunette was all too familiar hearing it, while Summer could never forget it for bad reasons.

"They're here!" Jaune clapped, running to open the door. Stepping in were their old neighbours and Jaune's friends from the red light district.

 _'_ _The hentai freak, those hoes, and even Slick?'_ Tifania thought in fear and anger.

"H-hey guys." She tried to say sweetly. "How did you guys know where we live?"

"Jaune told us." Mars cheered, pulling Jaune in between her breasts. "He said you were having a house warming party and invited us. Isn't he sweet?"

"Yeah." The blonde's mother sighed, letting them into the living room. "Such a sweetheart."

"Oh, hey Qrow!" Venus greeted the scruffy uncle, walking to sit next to him while his friends chatted with Jaune and his mom. "I didn't know you were invited too."

"V-Venus?" He gaped, before glancing at Summer and coughing. "I-I mean. Who're you and how do you know me?"

"Yeah Qrow." Summer looked at him with a raised brow and smirk. "How does she know you?"

"Summer." He whispered while nudging his head to Ruby who was laughing in joy. "Kid in the room."

"I got this." The mother nodded, walking to her daughter. "Ruby. TV ti~ime."

"Eeeee!" It only took Ruby four second to run in front of the TV and turn it on.

"There we go." Summer smirked, getting back to her original spot. "So how does she know you?"

"He asked for a double service from me and my friend Makoto." Venus shared after taking a sip of beer, seeing Qrow looking uncomfortable. "I've had freaky, but his was something else. We never really got it on with a drunk guy before. Usually they try to _stay_ sober to enjoy and remember."

"So how much do you charge?" Summer asked, just out of curiosity.

"How much you got?" The perky blonde asked.

"Isn't there something like a customer confidentiality or something?" The quickly sobering man sweated, hoping his past interaction would stay quiet.

"I'm a hooker, not a doctor." The blonde laughed, patting his cheek sweetly before moving to whisper in his ear. "I can see now why you wanted me to wear a white robe the whole time while Makoto wore a white tank top and sparring gloves."

"He wanted what?" Summer asked, looking at the man in disgust.

"She's a huntress." Qrow muttered to Venus. "She has super hearing too and strength to kill a man with her bare hands."

"So your friend, Makoto." Summer said, narrowing her eyes on Qrow. "She a brunette too?"

"Yeah." Venus nodded, filling her cup with beer. "How'd you know?"

"And I'm guessing she's got a huge rack?" Ruby's mom continued to ask, placing a vice grip on Qrow's lap.

"Big's an understatement." The blonde laughed, taking another swig. "She's got tits the size of Jupiter."

With one final chug, Venus had passed out. Luna saw her and immediately took her to a couch while explaining that her friend was a lightweight in drinking. With the secret spiller gone now, it was just Summer and Qrow sitting while the others chatted on.

"So, Summer…" The now sober man said, feeling the grip on his leg loosen. "Funny stuff right?"

Letting go of his leg and leaning in close to him, Summer stared deep into his eyes with a pout on her face. Qrow wouldn't admit it out loud, but his old teammate was still cute even after giving birth. When she lifted her hand and slowly patted his head with a smirk on her face, he was in heaven. It got even better seeing the pink hue on her cheeks. The words she said next was enough to have him fall back.

"In your dreams, birdie." She chuckled, getting up to sit with her daughter.

To others, it was a rejection that killed everything. But to him, it was getting his old friend back. She hadn't called him birdie in a long time. It was a term she used whenever she wanted to tease him or rile him up.

 _'_ _I wonder if I can get Tif if Jupiter tits blabs.'_ He thought, looking over to the huntress in white then to the retired huntress chatting with a pimp and some nerd.

 **Hours later**

The single moms were finally glad things were cooling down. Tifania's small housewarming party soon turned into some sort of nightclub with her as the bouncer and bartender. Michi the lesbian kept trying to get under Summer's skirt, and even offered to be Ruby's second mom. After getting pleading eyes from her friend, Tifania had to come to the rescue with the only thing she could think of.

"So you two are like…" Michi made two peace signs with her hands and started rubbing them together. Unlike how happy her hands were moving, she had a sullen look on her face.

"Yes, Michi." Tifania groaned while Summer was blushing a storm. "We're doing the scissor dance."

"Can I learn the scissor dance?" Ruby piped in, looking away from the boring commercial.

"If you cant run with scissors, you cant dance with them either." Summer told her daughter, purging her away from the topic.

"Adults always get to do the fun stuff." The little girl pouted, turning back to the TV.

"So the scruffy guy on the floor isn't her husband? Or Jaune's new daddy?" The lesbian asked, pointing to Qrow who raised a brow. Getting a shake of the head from both of them, she sighed in relief. "That's good to hear."

"Hey!" Qrow called out offended. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing." Michi scoffed, looking him over. "I just dont think either of them should saddle with an alcoholic. It's bad for their kids."

The hunter really wanted to say something about her occupation and life poor choices, but he held his tongue for the sake of Summer and Tifania.

Luna and Jaune were dancing with raunchy music coming from the blonde girl's scroll with Slick and Henta cheering them on. While Luna was going on with no problem, Jaune was getting tired and out of breath shaking his hips.

"I'm gonna go outside guys." He panted, taking a sip from his juice. "It's getting hot now."

"Yeah it is." Henta giggled, recording Luna's chest.

"I'll go with you." Mars smiled, hugging him from behind. "Wanna go in the back?"

"Mom says not to use the backdoor." The blonde said, pulling her to the front. "She says it's still dirty and needs to be cleaned. We'll use the front door."

"I know that feeling." Slick muttered, taking another swig. "Nobody likes a dirty backdoor."

 **Outside**

Raven had dragged her husband and daughter to go see Tifania's new house. She didn't care if Summer and Qrow were there. If anything, she was all for seeing them. She felt it's been too long now and that they needed to bury the hatchet. Her with Summer, and Taiyang with Qrow.

Honestly, she doesn't know why her husband was mad with her brother to begin with. He's the one who fucked the girl his brother loved and knocked her up while still married to her. If it wasn't for Yang and the blonde idiots endearing hurdles to try and make it up to her, she would have taken their daughter and left him to wallow in misery all alone.

As they finally got to the house, they could hear music playing. Loud and vulgar music that Taiyang was too familiar with from his teenage years. The curtains were closed, but they could make out the silhouette of a lady dancing provocatively. Raven had to cover her daughter's eyes to shield her away from the image. Then the door opened, and Jaune walked out with a scantily clad woman in hand who was eyeing him like a piece of meat.

"Mom said we couldn't use the back door, but she didn't say we could go around." The little blonde said, taking the woman to the back through the side. "I know she said it's dirty, but it's not that dirty."

"Lead the way stud." The lady teased as they went to the back, not noticing the Branwen-Xiao Long family standing in shock and awe. "Maybe I can finally give you that kiss I couldn't give you last time."

"…Well!" Taiyang said with a grin, moving to step in. "You wanted us to come, so let's go in there."

"Not so fast mister!" Raven snarled, grabbing him by the ear and storming off. "We're leaving right now and coming back tomorrow morning when this whole thing is over."

"But-"

"OVER!" She shouted, pulling daughter and husband away from the house of sin.

 _'_ _At least one blonde is getting lucky tonight.'_ Taiyang pouted in envy, remembering how the lady was looking at Jaune, then remembering his age. "Shouldn't we call the cops?"

"If you bothered coming out to talk with Tifania, you'd know that they were her neighbors." The mother seethed.

"Tif's neighbors were hookers and strippers?" He said flabbergasted before clamping shut remembering his daughter was with them.

"Daddy, what's a hooker and stripper?" The blonde girl asked, not used to those words.

"TAIYANG XIAO LONG!" Raven shouted angrily, glaring at him with fire in her eyes.

Needless to say, it was a wild night for everyone. For the people in Tifania's house, and for Taiyang as he ran from his angry wife with daughter in hand. He hoped she wouldn't beat him too badly with their daughter watching once she caught up.

 **END**

* * *

 **AN: Wow, I just noticed how badly I made Summer and Jaune's mom targets of misfortune in this chapter. Then again, comedy always has a victim to take the hit for a laugh. I'd list the references, but comedy dies if you need to explain things. Like I said: dirty jokes, crude humor, pop culture references, and innuendos.**

 **Now onto that last part with Tai and Raven. Yeah, I don't know what Tai has to be pissed with Qrow for.**

 **Tai - "Oh hey, I banged a girl you like and knocked her up."**

 **Qrow – "Well fuck you then. We're not friends."**

 **Tai – "Fine. You wanna be a bitch about it, I'll hate you too instead of trying to be civil."**

 **Then again, we really don't know what Tai's so against Qrow for. Maybe Ruby really is Qrow's kid in canon and Summer cucked Tai. Or maybe Tai diesnt like how Qrow is keeping secrets and not letting him be around when Raven shows her face.**

 **ANYWAYS!**

 **Next chapter you'll see the rest of NPR and RWBY because it's CLASS TIME!**


	3. Lantern Academy

Disclaimer: **The following is a nonprofit fanfiction of RWBY. RWBY belongs to Monty Oum(RIP) and Rooster Teeth. Any likeness to writings of others is not intentional. To help with improvements: Read and Review!**

 **AN: Hey all. Jitters coming at ya hard with another Crayon Days. I know last chapter had a lot of OC's (technically not really since they were references to other anime/cartoon characters), but this chapter it's mostly RWBY casts.**

* * *

 **Episode 3:** Lantern Academy

Blake Belladonna sighed as she waited for the school bell to ring. Sitting in class, she tried to concentrate on the book she was reading, but the constant chattering of her classmates was grating on her four ears. And to make things worse, she could feel the heavy stares of a certain someone on her.

"For the last time Adam. No!" The cat faunus huffed, turning to her older brother figure.

Since their day in the park, Adam had been pestering her about the girl named Yang. It was obvious to Blake he had a crush on her, and she was okay with that. But when he had to involve her in his love trial, it was starting to annoy. Especially since it involved her getting dragged to the park every single day to get a glimpse of the girl.

"Please?" The bull asked once more, not relenting.

"No." She pounded her fist on the table. "Now go back to your classroom."

"Please!" He begged, edging closer to her.

"She might not even be in my class." Blake tried to use logic. "The chances of her being here are-"

 _Biriririring_

She was interrupted by the school bell ringing, signifying the start of class. It was the second semester now, and she was bumped into one of the advanced classes. It was something she took pride in. Seeing Adam sit up straight from the corner of her eyes, she looked to him then the direction he was staring in.

 _'_ _Curse you Murphy.'_ She mentally seethed as she watched two blondes enter.

Yang was wearing a brown skirt with a yellow shirt with her hair tied into two pigtails, while Jaune was in orange jumper shorts with a white button up. As they were walking in, the blonde girl was tying her fellow blonde's hair into ponytail in the back.

"Tadah!" Yang clapped after finishing. "I told you I can toe ribbons."

"I cant see." Jaune muttered, trying to feel the back for the ribbon.

"Ah." The blonde girl didn't think that far ahead. "Let me just…"

As she tried to untie the ribbon off Jaune's hair, she wasn't successful as it only tightened. The more she tried to untie it, the tighter it seemed to get.

"It's stuck." She told her male friend as they took their seats.

 **With Blake and Adam**

Blake wasn't sure it was healthy for Adam's face to be the same shade of red as his hair. He was even starting to sweat a lot, and they were in the AC. Coughing to get his attention, Adam turned to her looking composed like nothing was wrong.

"It's time for you to go to class." She pointed to the door.

"In a minute." He waved a hand, turning back to the two blondes. "But first, I need you to go there and call the blonde girl over. Yang."

"Adam." Blake grumbled, not liking to socialize with others.

"Please?" He asked, nudging her out of her chair.

"Fine!" She grumbled, getting up to stomp toward them. As she got close, she took note of the conversation the two blondes were having.

"Nope." Jaune shook his head with a contemplative look. "Ninjas aren't that great."

SNAP!

That was the sound of Blake's heel burying itself in the spot she was standing. How dare this plebian insult the honored ninja.

As the cat faunus tried to calm herself down, she failed to notice Adam being taken out of the classroom by their teacher who knew the bull faunus wasn't part of her class. What was being said in front of her was more important at the moment.

"What makes you say that?" Yang asked, not noticing Blake trying to burn a hole in his head with her glare.

"What kind of warrior needs to make dumb hand signs?" Jaune muttered, showing emphasis by making silly hand gestures. "By the time they're done making those things, the other guy already shot him in the head."

"THAT'S YOUR BASIS?" Blake shouted, getting the two blonde's and everyone else's attention. Feeling all eyes on her, she coughed with a blush forming on her face before taking a seat with the two.

"Hello." Both smiled awkwardly as they greeted their new seatmate.

"H-hi." The cat mumbled still embarrassed, turning to Yang. "My friend wanted talk to you."

"What friend?" The blonde girl of the group asked, looking to see a lot of the students talking to one another.

"He's right-" As Blake turned to point Adam out, she saw the empty table where her bag was and nothing else.

"Adam!" She grumbled, anger surging in her veins.

"Is he an imaginary friend?" Jaune asked cautiously, seeing a vein pulsing.

"Imagine- but he- you!" That was a new low. She didn't have anything against kids with imaginary friends, but she considered herself more mature to not need one of them.

"Don't we know her from somewhere?" Yang whispered to her fellow blonde as Blake went into a rant while plotting revenge against a certain bull.

Looking Blake over, Jaune felt he knew her from somewhere. She was wearing a black 'Watsup Pussycat' shirt with white shorts and a bow, but he couldn't place his finger on it. AS Yang blew a raspberry out of boredom, it clicked in the little blonde boy's head.

"Hey!" He called out to her with a smile on his face, getting Blake and Yang's attention. "You're that girl in the park. Yang it's that girl in the park. The popular ass girl."

"Oh yeah." Yang clapped, remembering her. "Hi Adam!"

"My name is Blake!" The cat faunus said, feeling even more pissed off. "…And it's not popular ass!"

"If you haven't found one yet, I know someone with a popular ass." Jaune said excitedly, ignoring her last statement. "Miss Luna said her ass is well known because of her dancing."

"Stop talking!" Blake banged her hands on the table, shocking the two.

After a moment of silence with Blake huffing in anger, the two blondes huddled close to whisper amongst themselves.

"What's she so mad about?" Yang asked, not taking her eyes off Blake. "I thought she'd be happy to find a popular ass."

"I don't know." Jaune said in a sad tone until an idea struck him. "Maybe she wants _her_ ass to be popular! She's just looking for one to compare."

"I can still hear you two." Blake growled, calming down a bit. "And that's not gonna happen! I don't want my butt to be popular."

"Okay." They both said in an airy tone while saluting her.

"Don't salute me for no reason!" She said through gritted teeth. Taking a deep breath to compose herself, she decided to change the subject by reintroducing herself. "My _name_ is Blake Belladonna. Okay?"

"Blake Belladonna." Jaune repeated the name, getting a smile from the owner.

"Blake Madonna." Yang said quickly with thumbs up, hoping to get a smile in return.

"It's _Bella_ -donna!" Blake grabbed her head in frustration. She had hoped Adam was suffering as much as she was.

 **With Adam**

"Unhand me!" The bull faunus cried as he was being manhandled by a teacher with pink hair. "I must go back for the maiden."

"There's no maidens in there." The unnamed teacher said while trying to control the thrashing boy.

"You're in the way of true love!" Adam cried, hoping to get an emotional appeal. "I must have that blonde angel's hand!"

"There'll be no hand taking." The teacher said calmly, getting close to his classroom. "You're a little too young for that. And so is she."

"Then I must catch her eye!" He stated with determination.

 _'_ _What is up with kids today?'_ She thought as they reached the class and knocking. _'If they're not horny, they're suicidal love struck. Whatever happened to throwing rocks and snorting markers?'_

As the class door opened, the pink haired teacher was greeted to a blonde woman with green eyes and glasses. "Peachy?"

"Hi Glyn." The teacher named Peach greeted, hefting Adam up who was still ranting about love. "I think this is one of your students? I found him sitting in my class going goo-goo eyes over some of the girls."

"Thank you Peach." Glynda said sincerely, lifting Adam midair with her semblance. "It's times like these I wonder if being here is worth it."

"Just remember Glyn." Peach said while walking off to her class. "Just two more years and we can go off to Beacon where students are more mature."

"-tour the countryside and you wont be invited!" Adam continued, not caring he was upside down while staring at Peach.

"Two more years." Peach whimpered as she walked to her class. "Two more years."

As she left, Glynda could do nothing but sigh as she guided the little bull faunus to his seat against his will. Just two more years of this and she would be qualified to teach at Beacon Academy where the students were mature, the staff were professional, and nothing was this chaotic.

 **Schoolyard Crushes**

Pyrrha Nikos sighed as she ate her lunch alone. For some reason, she found it hard to make friends. Then again, she guessed it had something to do with becoming the class president and being a straight A student. Just another thing to add in being Perfect Pyrrha. Walking through the halls after finishing her meal, she spotted a blonde boy leaning on the wall with hands covering his face.

 _'_ _Is he crying?'_ She thought in concern, walking up to address him.

As she got close, she could hear him mumbling something. As she was about to reach a hand to touch him, he had put his hands down to reveal his face to her. The moment she saw his blue eyes and smiling face, Pyrrha Nikos had her first crush.

"Ready or not, here I come!" Jaune shouted in the halls to alert his friends. As he walked around everywhere searching for the others, Pyrrha was following him like a lost puppy while trying to gain his attention.

"Hello?" The oblivious blonde called, checking behind a trashcan.

"Hi." Pyrrha whispered with a blush, trying to get his attention. She had gone unheard.

Hiding in a tree, Yang was watching the whole thing while laughing deviously at her spot. It was fool proof. Jaune would never think to look upwards. Yes, he would forever be the seeker as she-

"FOUND YA!" Jaune cheered as he pointed her out.

"How?" The blonde girl asked in disbelief. "It was so perfect."

"You were laughing deviously." He stated as if he was telling the weather.

"Curses!" She fell to her knees while grabbing the grass. "It's always the laughter."

"Hey." Pyrrha tried once more to get Jaune's attention.

"Now to find Blake and Ruby!" Jaune pointed a finger into the air while holding out a hand for Yang. "Join me, my fellow blonde crusader!"

After getting over her loss, Yang and Jaune had dashed off to find the other two before the bell rang. Pyrrha watched her crush dash off with puffed out cheeks in failing to gain his attention. By the end of their lunch, she would have him notice her!

 **Ten minutes later**

The redhead watched her crush as he laughed with the other girls. She envied the way he looked at them. Although she doubted the cat faunus with them wanted to be there. In truth, Blake wasn't playing hide and seek. She had only suggested it so the blondes could leave her alone while she hid in a perfect area. Sadly, Jaune found her after Yang once he looked in a bush. Apparently, he associated bushes with her along with 'popular asses.'

 _'_ _What was it mommy said she did to get daddy?'_ She sighed as she watched Jaune laugh with Ruby and Yang while Blake tried to act cool.

 _Flashback_

 _"_ _Your father was such a thick headed buffoon." Pyrrha's mom told her daughter after she asked how they met. "I tried everything to get him to notice me, but he was as dense as a rock. I had to beat it into his head that I loved him."_

 _End flashback_

Sadly, all she could remember from that conversation was rock, head, beat into, and love. Seeing a rock by her foot, Pyrrha knew what she had to do. Picking it up and feeling the weight in her hand, she cradled it while looking at her blonde crush.

 _'_ _Look at him.'_ She sighed, putting her feelings into the hard object in her hand. _'He's amazing. I must have him in my life. I must prove my love for him and have him forever.'_

 _'_ _So with all my soul and all my soul and with all my might, I shall throw this rock at him.'_ She grasped the rock tightly. _'And as the blood trickles down his forehead he shall know my deep feelings for him.'_

 _'_ _If he survives, we shall be wed.'_ She smiled, kissing the rock and throwing it hard. _'Go love boulder! Find your mark.'_

 ** _POW!_**

"OW!" Jaune cried as the love rock hit him on the side of the temple.

 _'_ _It's true love!'_ Pyrrha clapped, happy her mark struck true.

 **Afterschool**

No one saw Pyrrha throwing the rock, and that had included Jaune and the others too. While his aura had protected him, he was still guided to the nurse's office by his friends to get the cut treated.

"I still don't get why someone would throw a rock." Yang pouted, upset that they couldn't find who did it.

The teachers demanded to know who threw the rock, but no one stood up to take blame. Pyrrha would have told the truth, but with Jaune still around she was too embarrassed to admit she did it. It was moved aside for a later time as getting Jaune's bleeding head treated was a top priority.

"Are you okay?" Blake asked Jaune in concern, looking over the bandage on his head. She may have thought the blondes were annoying, she didn't wish harm on him or Yang.

"Yeah." The blonde sniffed, pulling Blake into a surprise hug. "Thanks Blake."

The hug was something Blake wasn't ready for. Besides Adam, no one had hugged her. And unlike the bull faunus who's hugs were more of an older sibling, this hug felt softer. It was different but welcoming. Once she felt another person hug her from behind, she turned around to see Yang burying her head into her shoulder with Ruby joining on the side.

 _'_ _This is nice.'_ She thought, enjoying the feeling.

After the school bell rang for them all to head home, Blake had gone off on her own without waiting for Adam. Knowing him, he'd try to ask her to introduce him to Yang. Sadly, Blake wouldn't let him have it. There was a golden rule that was kept between siblings, even if theyr weren't related by blood.

 _'_ _Adam trying to be boyfriend-girlfriend with my friends'._ She shuddered at the gross thought of it. _'Eww.'_

Reaching the orphanage, she was met with the caretaker handing out cookies for the younger kids. After greeting Blake, she asked how her day was.

"I made three new friends." The cat smiled, heading up to her room.

She didn't notice the owner of the orphanage giving her a proud smile. She was finally happy the cat faunus was making new friends. Maybe now she wouldn't be so precocious.

 **With Pyrrha**

The little redhead sighed into her mashed potatoes as she sat at the table with her parents. Jaune had failed to notice her affections, but the destiny rock she threw proved that they were destined to marry. Seeing her mood, her mother decided to ask her what was wrong.

"Mommy. How did you get daddy to notice you?" She asked, hoping to get a better idea.

"A lot of work." The mother stated proudly while looking to her husband. "When I first met him, he was a scrawny goofball. So I made an excuse that I'd train him so we'd spend a lot of time together. By the time he finally asked me out, he's the same build you see now."

"So all those lessons were and excuse to spend time with me?" The father mumbled after swallowing his corn.

"I was young and insecure!" She blushed, turning away from him.

As her parents openly flirted with one another, Pyrrha had a new thought in mind.

 _'_ _I have to force him to spend time with me.'_ She nodded at the new inspiration her parents gave her.

 **End**

* * *

 **AN: And another chapter comes up! I know it's not as dirty as the last few, but it'll get there. There were a few movie references along with some stand up comedy lines, but …yeah.**

 **Gotta love young love. It's weird and funny to watch how they shamelessly hurt each other as a sign of flirting. Either that or it's straight up bullying.**

 **So is Pyrrha the girl that bully's to show how she likes someone in this? Yes, yes she is. Expect more of her being Jaune's nightmare through elementary with more characters coming your way. Next up, you'll be seeing Cardin, Velvet, Ozpin, and a few other characters. How will this play out? See it in the next chapter.**


	4. Cookies, Love, and Cookie Love

Disclaimer: **The following is a nonprofit fanfiction of RWBY. RWBY belongs to Monty Oum(RIP) and Rooster Teeth. Any likeness to writings of others is not intentional. To help with improvements: Read and Review!**

 **Episode 4: Cookies, Love, and Cookie Love**

Ozpin was laughing nervously as his Glynda stared at him with a demure smile. For a long time now he had feelings for the woman, but to his dismay, luck was never on his side every single time. There would always be something that would get in his way to get to her.

The first was her ex in combat school, a certain John Doe. Then there was his best friend, James Ironwood. Stupid James and his stupid face. He wasn't as successful as he was in gaining the Goodwitch's attention, but their rivalry for her was something else. But he was now in Atlas being a private and he was here, close to her.

But what was his newest obstacle? Ruby Rose. The little kindergartener was a sweet child. Very cute and so full of innocence and energy. What could possibly make her an obstacle to him? Mainly because she had a crush on him! How did this come about? All he can say was that it started with a plate of cookies.

"She's certainly taken a liking to you." Glynda giggled while watching the little girl hanging off her friend's arm. "How is she even sticking to you like that?"

"Watch." Ozpin rolled his eyes, gently placing Ruby back down on the floor. She casually scaled up his leg and back onto his arm like it was normal.

As Glynda was about to take a step closer, Ozpin could have sworn he heard the little girl hissing at the older woman. Turning to Glynda, he wondered if she was ignoring it or unaware with how casual she was still getting closer. After poking Ruby on the cheek, she giggled as the rose puffed them out in defiance.

"You're lucky to have the preschool department." The blonde sighed, turning to the rest of the children walking in the halls. "They're still so innocent and untainted by the world."

 _'_ _Yeah right.'_ Ozpin scoffed internally. _'You haven't seen this little troglodytes drawings yet.'_

 _Flashback_

 _"_ _Look!" Ruby smiled while handing over a picture to her teacher. "It's me and you in a house of cookies!"_

 _"_ _T-that's nice." Ozpin said with a strained smile. Looking over the picture, he saw a red and yellow splotch way in the corner. "And what's that thing?"_

 _"_ _That's the icky lady's head." Ruby said with a frown and face scrunched up in disgust._

 _"_ _Of course it is." Ozpin pinched his nose, taking the picture and filing it with the twenty more of him and her with Glynda somehow maimed or decapitated._

 _"_ _I love you!" Ruby smiled, zipping back to her seat to doodle some more._

 _"_ _Just two more years." He reminded himself. "Just two more years and I'm off to Beacon."_

 _End Flashback_

He's tried asking Peach and Glynda if any of their students had a crush on them, but it's just him in his group of friends. Although, Glynda did tell him that a student of hers has a crush on one of Peach's students. When he found out it was the daughter of Raven, he pitied the poor child. Looking back to Glynda, he saw that she was waiting for his response on something she was talking about.

"I'm sorry, I was lost in thought for a bit. What was that?" He asked, getting a sigh in return.

"I said did you hear that Peachy is changing classes?" The blonde woman asked again, getting a shake in return. "Well she is. Apparently, she cant handle her classroom so decided to appeal for a higher year."

"What's wrong with her other classroom?" He asked, catching Ruby on instinct after feeling her slipping.

 **Peach's class**

 **A few days ago**

"Girly boys, girly boys." Children laughed as they were circling Jaune and another boy with long black hair named Ren. Jaune was holding Ren as the magenta eyed boy was crying into the blonde's chest.

"Leave us alone!" Jaune shouted, getting tired of their teasing.

Even Yang was behind a shelf crying after one of the kids had thrown gum into her hair. Blake was doing her best to try and pull the gunk out.

"Or what?" The bully taunted, towering over him by three inches. "You gonna throw glitter on us? Flash that pretty ring on your finger?"

Looking at the ring on his finger, Jaune remembered one of Slick Daddy's lessons.

 _"_ _Remember little man."_ Slick's voice rang in his head _. "If some fool think he can get all up in yo' face: hit 'em. Simple as that."_

SMACK!

Jaune had smacked his bully with the backside of his ring hand and got the desired effect. In Slick Daddy's words: a fallen bitch. Seeing his downed foe, Miss Luna's words rang next.

 _"_ _If your opponent is down on the ground, you need to take the initiative."_ As the little blonde boy did so, the instructions flowed like water. _"Straddle him and give him his money's worth. And don't stop until you feel him go soft."_

After jumping on top of the bully, Jaune unleashed a ton of punches and an elbow on the kid beneath him. After punching him the tenth time, he felt someone grab his wrist and pull him off and throw him back to Ren.

"You're gonna get it now." The bully growled after getting up with help from his friends and surrounding the two.

 _"_ _I've had experience getting it from all sides."_ Venus's words rang next. _"The trick is to pay attention to every single one of them and let them come to you."_

While Ren was curled up in a ball to avoid getting hit, Jaune waited for one of them to come at him. There were three of them, so there wasn't that much to worry about. They weren't able to work well together, so what mostly happened was them punching each other or getting in the way of the other and getting kicked or smacked by Jaune. After nailing the two in-between the legs like Mars had taught him, it was just him and the big guy once more. And judging by how he was backing away, he was scared now.

But if there was one thing his mom taught him, it's that to get them to respect you more, you need to make them more scared. And Slick Daddy told him something that scared the pimp to death.

 _"_ _I don't know bout you little man, but to me, getting the chair was the scariest thing I almost experienced."_ Grabbing the wooden chair close to him, he dragged it along while stalking towards his bully.

"W-What're you doing with that?" The bully whimpered, backing up more until he hit the wall. Seeing Jaune hoist the chair over his head, he knew what was coming. "No! I'm sorry! Not the chair! NOT THE CHAIR!"

 **Present time**

"And that was when she was out for five minutes to use the bathroom." Glynda told Ozpin. "It was tamer than what usually happens in that room."

"So it's a classroom full of degenerates?" He summarized, walking with her back to the classes. Somehow, Ruby was hanging off his arm as it swung.

"I've counted a few good eggs in there." The blonde defended some of the children. "Miss Nikos is a prime example of a star student."

 **Pyrrha at the moment**

"Jaune!" The little redhead called after her crush in the sandbox for the third time. "Stop playing in the sandbox and come play Hunters with me!"

She usually wasn't this bossy, but she was going by how her parents interacted. Usually whenever her daddy was watching TV with her or was just laying around, her mommy would yell for him to do something for her. And after he was done, she'd kiss him on the cheek and say 'There, was that so hard? Be extra good and you'll get your special reward.' Then her daddy would dote over her for more chores to do.

 **Back to Glynda**

"And Raven and Tifania's children along with their friends only get into fights to defend themselves and nothing more. Sadly they're not enough to keep Peach in there." Glynda sighed.

 **Currently with Jaune and Yang**

"Eh?" The blonde whined, busy making a castle with Yang, Ren and Blake. "I don't wanna."

Pyrrha wasn't getting far in her new approach. Looks like she had to go the extra mile.

"…Who is that girl?" Blake whispered to Yang while constructing the windows.

"I don't know." The blonde girl shrugged, looking up to the redhead walking to them with puffed cheeks. What happened next was Pyrrha reaching them and trying to drag Jaune away. In the process, she destroyed their sand castle. "Hey!"

What happened next was a tug of war with Jaune as the rope. Yang and Blake were trying to get their friend back, and Pyrrha was trying to get her love to spend time with her. What was Ren doing? He was crying over the sand castle being destroyed.

 **Back to the adults**

"So if she's changing class, who's taking her place?" He asked, wondering if by chance it would be him. He really needed to get away from Ruby.

"Don't you know?" She smiled in a way that made his heart flutter. "James is."

CRACK!

That was the sound of Ozpin's thermos breaking in his grip hearing the news. It was bad enough he had a child no older than ten bearing a crush on him, said child trying to cockblock him from the woman he loved dearly, and said woman not noticing his affections for her; BUT James motherfucking Ironwood had to be here?

"James." He said with a forced smile. "Wow, yeah. I thought he was in Atlas as a soldier."

"Two new students will be coming from Atlas to join us, and James was assigned as their guardian and a teacher while being with them." Glynda filled him in. "It'll be just like old times with the three of us working together once more."

"Oh yes." He said in a dull tone she didn't notice. "Just like old times."

Said old times included trying to murder one another while Glynda's back was turned. Just _fantastic._ And throughout the conversation, Ruby Rose somehow managed to fall asleep still clinging to his arm!

"Aww." The older female cooed seeing how adorable the girl was before looking back to Ozpin. "You'd make a wonderful father one day Ozpin."

 _'_ _I would. Wanna help me become one?'_ He had the balls to say that. It's just his brain was better at telling him not to. "Thank you Glynda. I guess I'd better head on in now."

After getting a nod from her, he looked down to the sleeping girl on his arm. Feeling Ruby close to sliding off, he caught her and put her in a hold with her head on his shoulders. There was drool seeping into his clothes, but he ignored it as he opened the door to his classroom. He wondered how James was doing after placing Ruby in her chair. He may not like the man that much, but if he was to be teaching here then he'd need a lot of patience.

"That gives me an idea." He muttered, slowly walking to the door to get to work. "An idea indeed."

 **With James**

The sight the new teacher walked up to was something he was disappointed in: Five little girls acting inappropriately. One was crying, another was being used as a rope of tug of war, and three were pulling in her arms.

"Uncle? What are they doing?" Winter asked she pointed to the girls.

"Pay no mind to it, Winter." He patted her on the head while carrying Weiss. "Let's just get you to class safely and I'll handle them later."

Nodding, Winter held James' hand as he led her to Glynda's room. Before he had knocked, he made sure to put on his best smile and made sure his hair was perfectly in place. After knocking, he was delighted to see Glynda opening up with a serene smile and hair as gold as ever.

"Hello James." She greeted before turning to Winter. "And you must be the new student I've heard so much about."

"I am Winter Schnee." The little girl introduced herself while standing straight with nose in the air and a fist over her heart. "My dream is to be a great soldier for the Atlas Military and become the next General to lead them with the Schnee name held high. No enemies shall be given mercy under my rule as I shall assimilate them. With an iron fist I shall annex them."

 _'_ _I have one of these children, do I?'_ Glynda thought as she listened to the girl. "Sweetie, I think you have your vocabulary off. Assimilate means to bring into conformity with customs while annex means to add them into a country or state."

The look of shock at being corrected was priceless as the little girl lost composure and became slack jawed. But she was a Schnee and wouldn't easily admit to being wrong.

"Exactly as I meant it!" She said with fists on her hips and nostrils flared.

"…So you plan to show no mercy onto your enemies by bringing them into your country with an iron fist." The blonde teacher summarized the little girl's speech. And once more, Winter lost her composure with a loss of words this time.

"U-uncle." She called to him for help with an embarrassed tone.

"Haha. Sorry about that." Ironwood apologized for her. "She's precocious, but also prone to her mistakes."

"I don't mind." Goodwitch waved off, ushering Winter in. "Peachy's told me she has her share of precocious children in her room, and I already have one in mine excluding her."

"Either way, if anything comes up regarding her please inform me as her guardian." He said, peeking over to see Winter looking for an empty seat. "I do worry for her."

"You and Ozpin are the same." She rolled her eyes. "I'll keep you informed, now go to your class. In Ozpin's words: You have the degenerate class. Best to get there before trouble starts."

After the door was closed on him, James looked to the little girl staring back at him before shrugging and heading off to their classroom. Glynda was probably ribbing him, right? The class he'd be teaching would be the one belonging to the little girl in his arms. There was no way their luck would be so bad as to land on a classroom full of degenerates.

 **Five minutes later**

Weiss Schnee would never admit it out loud, but she was scared. Turning to her supposed uncle, she could see the uneasiness on his face as they both looked at what was supposed to be a second grade classroom.

If James had to compare this to some sort of film, he'd say it was like Angry Mac. All the tables were made into a circle with students cheering the two fighters in the center. It was the blonde girl with blue eyes fighting some chestnut haired chubby boy.

"Give him the chair!" The long blonde haired girl shouted, pumping a fist in the air. Next to her, the redhead was cheering along for the blonde to spill blood.

"Waaaaah!" Some reason, the dark haired one was crying with the cat faunus chiding him to 'get over it.'

"ENOUGH!" James shouted while covering Weiss' ears. The effect was immediate as Jaune had dropped the chair as it was close to descending on Cardin's head. As all the screaming stopped, the new teacher marched forward to grab the two fighting children by the scruffs of their shirt. "Good morning children. My name is James Ironwood. As of today, I am your teacher. And as of now: All of you are in big trouble."

All the students looked at one another before turning back to their new teacher. James thought he had gotten through them quite nicely. Sometimes all you needed was a stern voice and an air of respect and fear.

 **Three minutes later**

"HOW DID IT END LIKE THIS?" The man shouted as he was tied to his chair. Somehow, the students had swarmed him and were now putting him on trial.

Blake, being the most articulate of them, was the judge while Jaune and Yang were the prosecutors. Weiss, the little darling, had offered to be his lawyer.

"Order, order." Blake called out to the class as she slammed the squeaky hammer on the table. "We are here today for the trial of Mister Ironwood. Miss Schnee, how does your defendant plea?"

"Let me out of this chair!" James struggled in his binds.

"He does it like that." Weiss pointed to her struggling guardian with an innocent tone.

"No, is he guilty or innocent?" The cat faunus pinched her nose.

"Tied up by children. How shameful." The man cried, not able to get out.

"He sounds guilty." The little white-haired girl stated her opinion. If someone sounded ashamed, then they were probably feeling guilty about something.

"I'm innocent!" James shouted, turning to Blake. "What's this trial for anyway? What am I being charged with?"

"We're asking the questions here!" She shouted in return. "Guards! Brutally detain him!"

"I'm already detained!" The older shot back, motioning to him being tied to a chair. "How much more detained can I get?"

 **Two minutes later**

 _'_ _I had to ask.'_ Ironwood huffed, having been hogtied behind his back.

"Excuse me, James." Ozpin walked in with Ruby in tow. When he saw his frienemy tied up with children circling him, he had to suppress a smile that could have split his face. "Well looks like you have it all under control here."

"Don't leave me like this!" The soldier hopped, trying to face the silver haired bastard.

"Hm?" He scratched his head innocently. "I could have sworn I heard something. Oh well, must be my imagination."

"Ozpin, you bastard!" James cried, trying to break free but failing.

"Now, now James. Language in front of the children." The man tutted.

"You clearly heard me!" He shouted, trying to inch his way to the man. "Untie me this instant."

"Hello little girl." Ozpin greeted Weiss. "I see you're new to this class. Are you having fun?"

"I am." Weiss smiled, seeing Yang and the others wave at her with smiles. To her, this was all a game. It was like watching her daddy and Winter whenever they had a stealer in the company. "I'm playing the defendant's lawyer."

"Oh my. How noble." He praised the girl, getting a giggle in return. "Remember though, even if you lose: you still get paid for your services."

"I know that." She rolled her eyes with a pout.

"A good tip is to always get the first half payment at the start, and the other half at the end." The preschool teacher noted. "That way they don't skive you off."

"But I didn't get the first half payment." She gasped, noting her mistake.

"Well it's a lesson learned. Maybe you could even appeal for a pro bonno." He patted her headed. "Remember: Fool me once, shame on me."

"Wasn't it fool me twice?" Weiss asked, turning to Ironwood with a pout.

"If you learnt from the first, there never will be a second time." Both men said at the same time.

"Now get me out of this!" James growled to his old time friend.

"Oddly enough this is the second time you've been tied up James." Ozpin noted, folding his arms while looking down on his friend. "So what does this say?"

"I'm not playing!" He banged his head on the floor in frustration. "Untie me now so I can get through the day."

"Oh, I'll get to that." Ozpin waved, walking back to the door to grab a tupperware of cookies he left out before coming in. "I just thought I'd bring the children some cookies. I made two for each of them."

Soon all the kids were lined up perfectly in front of the man with cookies with innocent eyes and hands held out. Oddly enough, Ruby had somehow snuck her way in and was in the back of the line with Blake and Yang.

"Hello, my name is Weiss." The new girl introduced herself to the cookie lover.

"I'm Ruby." The little girl introduced back. "Wanna be friends?"

"Of course!" Weiss beamed, happy to make another friend. If possible, they could even be the best of friends.

After all the kids had gotten their share of cookies, Ozpin had untied his friend and took a seat with him. Looking over the Atlasian soldier, he had to hold a small laugh seeing the man had some finger paint on his nice white suit.

"Shut up." James mumbled, trying to put his hair back into it's usual place.

"I didn't say anything." He said innocently with a cat that ate the canary grin. Before he could say any more, the door had opened up showing Glynda and Peach peeking in with a little bunny faunus behind Peach's leg. "Hello ladies. What brings you here?"

"I was worried James was dead when I didn't hear any commotion." Peach said, looking over the now well-behaved children eating cookies and sitting in their respective tables before motioning to the bunny faunus by her leg. "Velvet here peeked in during her walk to the bathroom and saw the guy tied up on the floor. I would've thought it as a prank, but remembering this class…"

"Oh Peachy. That's ridiculous." Ozpin defended his 'friend' while giving a small laugh. "A highly trained soldier such as James being taken down by mere elementary school children?"

"Ridiculous indeed." Glynda chuckled, imagining the thought of it. "It was very sweet of you to come and help James with his work Ozpin, but what about your class?"

"Not to worry." He waved a hand while trying to show his best grin to her. He had to force it after Ruby had zoomed over to sit on his lap. "The children are currently coloring right now, so it's all under control. Sadly, this little tyke wanted to follow me."

"Heehee." Ruby smiled, hugging the man and nuzzling her head into his chest.

"Aww." Both older women cooed at the sight.

"He's definitely husband material." Peach nudged Glynda, who sported a small blush after that was said.

 **Moments ago**

"Need to time this just right." Ozpin whispered to himself as he held a water balloon in one hand and another in the other while peeking into Peach's former class.

From Glynda's story of this class, she needed to find the violent amongst them. And if memory served right, he was currently looking at him/her. It was hard to tell since the kid was very femmy looking even inside orange jumpers. Tossing the water balloon, his aim was off as it had hit the magenta-eyed kid instead.

After Ren started crying, Ozpin thought quick and rolled the water balloon to a chubby kid pointing and laughing at the crying boy. After that, all hell broke loose as Jaune spotted the water balloon by Cardin's chair and put two and two together. After Ozpin had ran off back to his class, James and Weiss had came to the door of their class minutes later after dropping Winter off.

 **Present**

Patting Ruby's head, Ozpin smiled as his plan went better than expected.

James not liking to be outdone, saw the magenta-eyed girl still crying even after finishing her cookies. From the looks of things, she bumped her elbow on a corner of the table and was crying from the pain.

 _'_ _Now's my chance!'_ He thought, walking over to kneel next to Ren. "What's wrong little girl? Did you hurt your elbow? Let me take a look at that."

After hearing the big man calling him a girl like the rest of the bullies, Ren had started crying harder while backing away from the man.

"Hey." Jaune called out while coming to his friend's rescue. "Stop making fun of him. Ren's a boy!"

 _'_ _He's a boy?!'_ Both grown men thought while looking at crying toddler. Trying to smooth things out, James decided to apologize to the boy. "I'm sorry about that. Ren, you have a nice girlfriend defending you."

"Now you're making fun of me?!" Jaune waved a fist with the ring on. "Bully! Monster! Meany face!"

"You're a boy too?!" Ironwood said loudly in shock. Turning to Peach, he received a nod with a sheepish grin.

"Okay now." Ozpin said in a soothing tone while patting both boys on the head. "No need to start a fight. Good boys don't do that, right?"

Getting a nod from Jaune, the man turned his full attention on the still crying Ren.

"Okay, okay. You're a boy, right? Let's see that elbow." Gently inspecting the joint, Ozpin patted it getting a questioning look from the owner. "It's not broken. You have a strong body little guy."

Ushering the boy off to go back to his friends, Ozpin felt a weight on his back he was very familiar with. "Okay Ruby, we'll be going back to our class."

"Piggyback!" She cheered, not wanting to get off.

"Okay, okay." He rolled his eyes, reaching a hand back to ruffle her head. Turning to the other adults he nodded his head. "I'll see you guys after at break."

Walking out, he missed the scathing look Ruby was giving Glynda while said woman was looking at him with a sweet smile.

"He has such a way with kids." Peach commented, walking to follow. "C'mon Velvet. The others are probably waiting for us."

"We'll be seeing you James." Glynda waved to her new colleague as she followed her friend out.

"See you around." He said dumbly, feeling all eyes on him now. Turning to the kids, he they were a lot calmer than before, but were watching him with judging eyes. Even Weiss was sitting with Ren and the others while looking at him for him to do something. "What have I gotten myself into?"

 **END**

 **AN: Sorry about the not so frequent updates guys. Holidays are coming up, classes are demanding a lot, and I have contracted a horrible rash from an allergic reaction to green tea. Apparently I'm fine with macha, but the tea bag ones and anything remotely close to it give me a bad itch.**

 **So James is a new teacher for the class and possibly the tsukkomu to Ozpin and the children's antics with Glynda and Peach being the rose tinted glasses audience.**

 **So chubby Cardin, a cry-baby Ren, Weiss still innocent, Ruby having a crush on her teacher, and Winter being even more precocious than Blake. Next chapter, expect it to be Nora-centric as she tries to follow Ren and Jaune around plus more.**

 **BTW, I just saw vol 4 episode 1and I will say: Ooooooooooh. I'm not spoiling for others who haven't watched yet, but I had a feeling there was more to it than Cinder and Salem. And the thing under Jaune's armor? I should have known!**

 **By the way for you NoL fans, if you didn't know I have a deviant account under the same name and I posted the cover you see on it.**


	5. I saw them wrestling naked

Disclaimer: **The following is a nonprofit fanfiction of RWBY. RWBY belongs to Monty Oum(RIP) and Rooster Teeth. Any likeness to writings of others is not intentional. To help with improvements: Read and Review!**

* * *

 **Episode 5:** I saw them wrestling naked

Nora woke up to someone shouting outside the orphanage. Normally she was all for being loud, but this person was calling out for someone she knew personally.

"Ren. Come out and play." A kid's voice laughed as she called for her best friend.

Peeking out, she nearly gasped at what she was looking at. It was a blonde girl with blue eyes that had an aura of confidence around her. The Valkyrie had to shield her eyes the moment she from how radiant she was glowing despite how tan her skin was. She even carried a smell of lemon and honey! Nora knew in an instant who this girl was.

She was one of the fabled gangurou girls the caretaker warned all the orphans about! She said they were home wreckers and man stealers.

' _My Ren is getting stolen by a hussy!'_ Nora cried internally while planning to off the blonde 'girl' while Ren was showering.

"Get out of here!" She shouted out her window. "Shoo! Skat!"

"Hello!" The gyaru waved. "Is Ren there?"

"Go away home wrecker!" She screamed, tossing a wooden block at her. It missed, but it had the desired effect. The girl ran away.

After panting in success of repelling the fabled home wrecker, Ren had came out of the bath looking clean with a big pink towel wrapped around him. "What're you shouting about Nora?"

"Nothing." She huffed, turning to her friend with a small glare. "Is there something you're not telling me buddy?"

"Hm?" He tilted his head in confusion. "…No? Anyway, I'm going out to play with my friends from school."

Nora knew about that from yesterday when he told the caretaker during dinner. She usually ignored him, but after he said how one of them was his _best friend_ , that got her attention.

"You do that." She mumbled, going back to her bed and hiding under the covers.

"If you wanna come with me, you can." He offered her, knowing how bored she got in the orphanage. He got a small raspberry in return. "Okay, I'm off to meet my friend. See you later Nora."

As Ren left, Nora peeked out of the covers with a glint in her eyes. Oh, she'd be following alright. She was just going to see who this 'best friend' was and show him who was Ren's best friend. No one takes Nora's place that easy!

 **At the park**

Nora couldn't believe it as she saw who this 'best friend' was.

After stalking around and sneaking behind Ren, she followed him to the park where Ren's 'friend' was running up to him.

It was the gyaru from morning!

' _I'm being replaced with that?'_ She thought angrily, giving the tan girl the stink eye.

 **With Jaune and Ren**

"Sorry I'm late." Jaune apologized to his fellow classmate and friend. "I was at the wrong orphanage and some girl chased me away."

Despite still being in school, Ren along with Jaune and the rest of the children played out in the sun a lot. Unlike Ren who was already a bit tanned, Jaune was easy to tan and had once turned completely brown from what his mother had once mentioned. Since it was a weekend and Jaune was to be going out with friends in the heat, she decided to buy sunscreen that doubled as moisturizer for over five hours.

"It's fine." Ren smiled, happy to be spending time with the boy he looked up to. "I just got here a little bit early."

Ren liked how Jaune was always so honest and kind. When the other kids were picking on him, he was the first to come to his aid. He knew he was a crybaby, but the blonde boy didn't mind. He'd just think of something that'd be fun for both of them to do so they'd be laughing instead.

"While we wait for the others, you wanna go play on the seesaw?" The blonde boy asked while pointing to the playground's giant metal seesaw.

Getting a nod, both had raced to their destination of fun, not noticing the dark and gloomy aura in a bush watching them.

 **With Nora**

' _And now she's taken him to the seesaws!'_ Nora whimpered as she saw the two going up and down with pure enjoyment on their faces and the sounds of their squeals of delight.

This was getting too much for her. Not thinking clearly she picked up a rock and chucked it with all her might at the blonde floozy.

 **Back with the boys**

"Woohoo!" Jaune whooped as his friend elevated him. As he descended down via gravity, he and Ren didn't notice the rock that nearly clocked him. "When the two get here, you wanna go for some noodles? There's this new place that just opened up. I think it was called Simple Wok."

"I don't have any money." Ren replied, wishing he had though.

"That's okay pal." The blonde smiled, pushing his legs to rise high again. "On my way here, I got a hold of some cash."

"You found money on the road?" The magenta-eyed boy gasped in amazement. "But don't you need to turn that in?"

"I didn't find it." Jaune clarified. "Doctor Shirosaki gave it to me after I passed by his house."

"Why'd he give you money?" Ren knew the doctor and was slightly scared of him. He was a nice guy, but he wasn't the type to just throw money away.

"I was walking by his place house on my way here when I heard screaming in his house." The blonde told his tale. "So I went in to see if a patient was in trouble."

"What'd you see?!" Ren asked in excitement, pushing his legs to rise up.

"It was Mrs. Abara and the doc." Jaune leaned forward to say in a whisper. "They were wrestling naked."

"Woah!" The kids were still five, so they still didn't grasp the concept of sex yet. Plus, nudity was a common for both boys as Ren lived with mischievous orphans who hated baths and Jaune grew up with strippers and hookers. "That sounds hardcore."

"I know!" Jaune nodded with a huff. "I think Mr. Abara lost the fight because he was tied to a chair naked while watching Mrs. Abara and the doc wrestle. And Mrs. Abara was losing too cause she was saying bad words while holding doc. She even kept saying his sword was bigger than her husband's and how better he was at giving it to her.- whatever that means."

Both boys were confused at that. They remember doctor Shirosaki and Mr. Abara dueling one time. True, the doctor was the better fighter but they remember Mr. Abara having a bigger sword. It even elongated like a whip too.

"So how'd you get the money from him?" Ren asked, not wanting to think on it too much.

"I was getting to that." The blonde waved with a smile. "So I wanna join in the naked wrestle, but Mrs. Abara says she doesn't do kids. Then the doc pulls me out and hands me like a hundred Lien to not say anything to his wife if I see her."

"Why?" The crybaby asked.

"Maybe he wants to surprise her." The blonde shrugged, swinging his legs as he was going down.

"Hey." A female voice they knew called out to them.

Turning to their left, they saw Yang rushing up to them with Blake and Ruby close by. They wanted Weiss to join them, but Ironwood wouldn't allow her to go out with them.

 **Back to Nora**

Now Nora was just getting pissed off. Her best friend had somehow gone off and became the harem king!

It's not enough he has a gyaru on one side, now he has a blonde with gold locks in on it? There's even a neko girl and a Lolita!

' _I'm going to need more rocks.'_ The ginger thought angrily while looking around for something to throw. As she fiddled around for something to throw, her hands felt another grasping hers after she felt a rock.

Looking to her left, she saw she wasn't alone. There was a redheaded girl with green eyes staring back at her. "Hello."

"Hi?" Nora said back, not knowing the girl. Feeling the hand holding hers not letting go, she tried to tug on it but found it gripped tightly. "Can I have my hand back?"

"If I let go, can I have the rock?" She asked in return. "I need to make my mark true again."

' _What does that mean?'_ The ginger thought, not understanding what the new girl said. All she knew was that she wanted the rock. "I need it to chase the girls away."

After a moment of silence, the new girl let go with a smile. "Ok. My name is Pyrrha. And you?"

"I'm Nora." She introduced herself, taking aim at Jaune.

"So who are you aiming at?" Pyrrha asked, watching Nora time her throw.

"The blonde on the swing." She said with determination in her voice. _'I'm going to take that hussy out, then the others.'_

' _She's aiming to take my fated one out!'_ Pyrrha thought, thinking Nora was going to steal her love. _'Not on my watch!'_

As Nora was about to throw the rock, Pyrrha caught her arm mid-swing. "You can't have him!"

' _She's one of them!'_ Nora screamed, thinking Pyrrha was also after Ren. "I saw him first. Even before all of you!"

"He's my fated one!" Pyrrha screamed, trying to pry the rock out of Nora's hand. "My love rock proved it!"

"What does that mean?!" The turquoise eyed girl said, trying to throw the redhead off.

"Nora/Bossy girl?" Two voices they knew called out to them. Looking up, they saw they had gotten out of their hiding spot and were now out in the open where all the kids could see them.

Blake, Yang, and Ruby were currently taking their turn on the seesaw with Yang helping distribute the weight on Ruby's side.

"What're you doing here Nora?" Ren asked his friend, picking her up and patting the dust off her.

"Nothing." She huffed, eyeing Jaune with a hurt and angry glare. Up close, she was even prettier and shined brightly. "I was just looking to see who your friend was."

"I told you could have followed me." The magenta-eyed boy rolled his eyes. "I know how boring the orphanage can be."

"Hey, you're that girl from this morning." Jaune piped in, walking to stand next to him. "So I was at the right orphanage that time."

"This is Nora." He introduced the two. "Nora this is Jaune. Jaune, Nora."

"Nice to meet you Nora." The blonde held out a hand. With hesitation, she slowly gripped his hand and tried to grip it really tight, but found it too slippery to crush.

"Nice to meet you." She ground out. She decided to try and make fun of the pretty girl's name. "Isn't Jaune a boy's name?"

"Jaune is a boy, Nora." Ren said, patting said boy on the back.

' _Whaat?'_ Little Nora's mind exploded as she looked the blonde 'boy' up and down. After feeling a bit secure now, she felt a new insecurity pop up. _'He's prettier than me!'_

"Jaune." Pyrrha called out to her crush. In her hand she held the rock Nora was trying to throw at him.

"Oh, hi… you?" No one could fault Jaune for not knowing Pyrrha's name. She hasn't even properly introduced herself to him at all. Most of the time, she just tries to pull him away whenever he's with Yang and Blake. "What's with the rock?"

"No reason." She smiled, tossing the rock away. "I was wondering if you'd like to play house with me. Then we'd play pattycake?"

Pyrrha thought people in love enjoyed playing pattycake together. At least, that's what it was like in her house. Whenever she'd catch her parents snuggling on the couch, her mom would suggest they play pattycake when she would be sleeping. There was always the sounds of them clapping their hands together, but they must have been jumping on the bed too, because she would always hear the beds squeaking and thumping a lot on some nights.

"But we were going to get some noodles." Ren reminded his male friend.

"Oh yeah. Sorry, but I promised Ren and the others we'd go eat somewhere." Jaune apologized while turning to the others. "Maybe next time."

Phooey! Just like what her dad would say sometimes whenever he'd go meet his hunting team. Then again, he mom always used the phrase that made him stay for her. "You never spend that much time with me!"

' _I don't even know your name.'_ The blonde thought while sweating internally. "Maybe you and Nora can join us. The more the merrier, right?"

It wasn't what she was after, but if it meant she'd be with him. "Okay."

While the two were talking, Nora was observing how Jaune was acting. She didn't see what was so great about him. So he was willing to invite them to eat with them. So what? It wasn't all that to mean he was Ren's best friend.

Following Ren and Jaune they were introduced to the other girls of the group. She thought she'd have to worry about one of them liking her Ren, but saw they weren't. It was just like how the kids acted in the orphanage. She quickly became friendly with them, but there was still the itty-bitty jealousy she held for Jaune. Maybe after getting to know him more, she'd think better.

 **With Jaune**

"Psst. Blake." Jaune whispered to the cat girl of the group. After getting he leaned in close to ask her a question that was bugging him. "Who's that other girl with us? The one with red hair?"

Normally Blake would always have an answer for everything the blonde duo would ask her, but this was something she couldn't answer. She's seen Pyrrha around, but even she didn't know her name. If she was older she'd simply tell him she didn't know, but her pride was on the line and she didn't want to disappoint.

"Yeah." The cat sweated for an answer. "Her name. I know it."

"What is it?" The blonde asked with sparkles in his eyes.

"It's… it's." She was scrambling around in her mind for a name. From what she could remember it started with a P. "P… P-something. P, p, p, p…"

"Pipi?" Jaune said, not getting it.

"No." Blake waved a hand trying to scrounge something up. After a few more seconds she came up with something. "Princess! Her name's Princess."

"Huh." The blonde sniffed, turning to Pyrrha. "I guess she looks like a Princess. Thanks Blake."

"Anytime." She forced a smile. _'If she gets mad, it's not my fault.'_

 **With Pyrrha**

"Hey princess, we're going to head out now." Jaune waved to her before turning back to Blake.

If Pyrrha wasn't any happier with him inviting her to join him and his friends, she was on cloud nine now. Her man had given her a cute nickname!

' _He does love me!'_ She cheered internally. _'He gave me a nickname. …But I still need to give him one. What can I call him though?'_

As Pyrrha was in deep thought on what to call him, she was unconsciously following the group as they went to A Simple Woks.

 **Nora, Ren, and Jaune**

Nora was completely embarrassed of herself right now. Of course Ren would find a close friend with someone that had the same problem as him. The other kids at the orphanage thought he was a girl too when he first arrived.

After hearing how Jaune was the one who helped keep the bullies away from Ren, Nora felt she could be friends with him too. She especially loved how he said a chair would bring fear into them.

"I prefer the hammer of justice." The ginger said, making a swinging motion with her hands. "Our caretaker says that throwing the book would hurt, but it's bringing the hammer down will get them the most."

"I tried throwing books, but they just opened up too much and flapped." The blonde sighed, remembering his failed attempts at book throwing.

"It's all in the wrist." The ginger commented, making an up and down motion with her hand.

"Heh. That's what my old neighbors used to say." He chuckled, remembering Venus. _'Wonder how they're doing?'_

 **At the old apartment**

"Ahn. Harder, Henta." Venus moaned as the otaku pressed into her. "Right there! Yeah."

After Jaune had left, the anime lover went into a depression and stopped eating so much. After he lost a lot of weight, the girls noticed he was a lot cuter after he cleaned up. He still loved anime a lot though.

"Can I take a break soon?" He asked, wiping the sweat on his head. "I'm getting pretty sore. Plus I need to get back to my shop soon."

"Just finish with me and you can get out." The blonde groaned, wiggling her ass to give emphasis. "Get me lower back and we'll be golden."

"Fine." The otaku groaned, putting more oil on Venus' back to massage her.

They knew nothing more would come out of this because of their preference in tastes. Venus liked big enough and lots of stamina. And Henta loved 2D and predictable. It was secure for all of them.

 **Back to the kids**

Ren was happy to see his two best friends getting along. He was initially planning to have the two meet early on, but with Nora's attitude this morning, he thought he'd have to reschedule it.

"-shotguns." Ruby said to Nora as Jaune nodded in agreement.

"Renny." Nora called out to him. "When we get older, let's all get shotgun weddings - with fireworks!"

The others were all getting along fine. Blake and Yang were salivating on what they'd be ordering with the money Jaune got and 'Princess' was smiling while glancing at Jaune now and then. It was good to see Nora happy.

 **End**

* * *

 **AN: So there's Nora! In regards to no one knowing Pyrrha's name, I planned that far ahead with the whole Princess name thing. Now that it's there, I'm wondering how far I'm going to take it.**

 **SO!**

 **This isn't canon to Those Days, but the new fic I wrote out is. Old Days. I'm also thinking of making another Days series, but naming it Velvet Days. (Take a guess on who the main character is.) It'll also be canon to Those Days.**


	6. Mama's Baby, Papa's Maybe

**Disclaimer: The following is a nonprofit fanfiction of RWBY. RWBY belongs to Monty Oum(RIP) and Rooster Teeth. Any likeness to writings of others is not intentional. To help with improvements: Read and Review!**

 **AN: (Kick the door down) Daddy's back to pick up his kids! If you guys saw the update on Fate and Destiny then you know I'm back on the track. And since this is a funny M-Rated story, I'm gonna tell you a story – a story of how Jitters lost his mojo the fun way.**

 **This is not the real story**

 **Scroll downwards if you want to be entertained by something else**

" **Mmm. You sure know how to treat a lady." A sexy woman grinded on Jitterwhack. "Your name is Jitters, but you're far from jittery."**

" **What can I say. I like to keep 'em guessing." Jitterwhack smirked as he rubbed this fine lady's back. "What was your name again?"**

" **Call me Ms. Zi-lay. Missus if you wanna be kinky that way." She purred into his ear. Biting his earlobe, she whispered into his ear. "Where do you get it all? Your ideas and mmm~ that drive."**

" **Can't say for sure." Jitters kissed the woman on the cheek and traveled to her neck. "I like to think it's my mojo. My motivation juice if you will. Got it all up in my head where it flows."**

" **Motivation juice." Zi-lay whispered huskily as she caressed his face. She sucked a breath when he bit her collarbone. "Sounds tasty. Mmm~ honey, why don't you close your eyes."**

" **Again, girl?" Jitters smirked in surprise. "Baby, I thought I tired you out?"**

" **Ssh." She placed a finger to his lips. "Close your eyes and just enjoy."**

 **Jitters felt something was wrong as his instincts told him to bolt, but this Zi-lah was a hoochie that knew how to play.**

 **The morning after**

" **What happened last night?" Jitters got out of the sheets. Looking around, he wasn't where he was before. No fine woman by his side, no bed, and no idea of what to do. "Man, I don't feel like doing nothing today. That's not right."**

 **Finding some pants and shirt, he tried to think of what to put in work. But try all he could, it was like his head was tapped dry.**

" **What's wrong with me?" Jitters scratched his head. Then he heard the woman laughing as she stepped through the door. "Zi-lay? What's so funny?"**

" **You of course." She heckled, face scrunching up.**

" **Ew, you looked way better in the low light." He said disappointed. "And what's so funny bout me?"**

" **Not much. At least not anymore." She said innocently before she had a wicked smile on. "Since I took your MOJO!"**

" **What? Girl, you're tripping. No one can take my mojo." Jitters said skeptical.**

" **I did. Because I'm a mojo sucking succubus!" Zi-lay revealed, showing her devil wings. "I sucked out all the mojo out of you and now you'll never make your fans laugh again."**

" **Bitch, you lying!" He shook a fist in her direction. "Watch. Imma think of something clever right now."**

 **Vein throbbing and dumb ideas crashing, he couldn't think of anything he could work with.**

" **Aww. Trouble getting it up? It's okay. It happens to the best of us." The she-devil taunted him. "I hope you don't mind. I drank a bit of your mojo. Mmm~ and it was delicious."**

 **Jitters would have gotten up to give chase, but with mojo gone he lost motivation to go after the mojo sucker. Soon, it was turning dark and he found himself in the dank streets. He was lost, and it was in a bad place between Toxic Blv. and Hater Street!**

 **Then the trolls came and he was stabbed and stamped and shoved poisons down his throat and left for dead! He could hear the fans, but his mojo wouldn't let him pick up the phone. The Great Fantaman was kind enough to hold onto one of his kids, little Crayon Days.**

 **Sitting by the curb taking all the poisons, something inside Jitters grew. Looking at his reflection in a puddle of his piss, he couldn't recognize himself no more.**

" **Enough is enough!" He spat the poison out his mouth. When a troll came to him with a stamp for his face, Jitters grabbed the stamp and shoved it in the troll's throat. "Feed on that, sucka!"**

 **Putting on some new paint and threads, he went off to find the bitch that stole his mojo. He donned on a different name, and spouted words in the dark that got them shutting up and pulling new fans in. But he never forgot his other kids. After spouting enough works that got good, the wicked bitch reared her head once more; hungry for new meat.**

" **Hey there, cool cat." She greeted him with a sultry voice.**

 **To be continued at the end**

 **Chapter 6:** Momma's baby, Papa's Maybe

Blake didn't know how she got to be friends with any of the people she was with now. There was the two annoying blondes, a rich girl, one possibly sociopathic little redhead, a stalker, and a crybaby with his tag along. It made for a colorful group of friends with her being the normal one.

Currently, she was in the park playing hide and seek with them. Yang was the one seeking and she along with Weiss were hiding in the jungle gym. It was the best place to hide since no one would-

"Hi Yang!" Weiss waved to the seeker from the top of their hiding spot.

"Found you!" The blonde cheered as she ran to the two girls.

Her plan! Foiled by the rich girl and her lack of knowledge on how to play the game! Getting out of the metal playground, she joined Yang in her search to find the others. The cat faunus didn't want to stay with Weiss so she threw her on Yang while she went to look for the others on her own.

Smelling honey butter, she knew one kid that had that distinct smell. Looking around, she saw Jaune standing out in the open all bronze and shiny from the sunscreen. Seeing a chance to surprise him, she stealthily creeped towards him and readied herself. Then when she was close enough-

"Gotcha!" She pounced on him, getting him to squeal in surprise. "Heh! Now you gotta- hm?"

Noticing someone else was with them, Blake saw a tall guy with spiky blonde hair smiling at the two. Remembering the warnings about strangers and creepy people in the park by her caretaker, she got off Jaune and hid behind him.

"Who are you?" She said with eyes narrowed. "State your name, or I'll call the police with great force!"

"Aren't you precious." The man said kneeling for the two. "Who is this, Jaune? Is she your girlfriend?"

Blake blushed at the comment, but shook her head. The guy was obviously trying to distract them so he could take them to his car!

"Don't to distract me! I'm a lot smarter than the average girl." The cat faunus said, pulling out a whistle. "Don't make me use this!"

The man panicked, putting his hands up in defense.

"Easy, easy! I'm Jaune's dad." He said, getting Blake to sigh in relief.

Sadly, it didn't do so for Jaune. He was now panicking and pushing Blake away from the stranger.

"Liar! You can't be my dad." The blonde shouted, getting Blake to pull her whistle back up again. "Mom says he's a super cool fighter that went far away to beat up thugs and chumps!"

"But I am your dad." The man insisted, creeping closer to them.

Panicking, Blake blew on the whistle loud enough that even she had to cover her cat ears from the high note it made. Not even minutes later, Tifania and Summer were at their side and glaring at the stranger. Soon, the other kids came knowing Blake was the one with the whistle.

"Claude?" Summer said in disbelief on who she was seeing.

"Summer. Tifs." He greeted them while digging into his ear. "Nice seeing you guys again."

"Mom, this guy is a liar." Jaune tugged on his mom's pants. "He says he's my dad, but he doesn't look like him."

That got Summer and Claude's attention. The silver eyed mother looked between the older blonde and the one standing with her friend. Almost anyone would think the two were related.

"So if I'm a liar, what does your dad look like?" Claude asked Jaune.

Fishing into his pocket, Jaune pulled out a small wallet he got from Slick Daddy and showed a picture his mom gave him. "This is him."

The others crowded around to see the picture Jaune had in his wallet. It was a picture of a white haired guy with brown skin and orange sunglasses on. There was even a name scribbled at the corner. Looking at the picture, Summer along with Claude scrunched their face while giving Tifania a look.

"Really? Keidash?" Clause gave the picture back to Jaune. "You told him that lazy violent idiot is his dad?"

"Mom says I look just like him and I get my violent streak from him." Jaune beamed while holding the picture.

"Yeah, you look a little like him." Ruby agreed as she looked at the picture and her friend.

"His hair is white." Weiss stated in happy surprise. "Does that mean we're cousins?"

"He looks like a cool dad." Yang nodded. Looking at Claude, she frowned. "I like the guy in the picture more."

"I can't see." Ren whined while Nora blocked his view.

Pyrrha wasn't saying anything and was just using the picture as an excuse to lean on Jaune from behind. Peeking at the picture and then to the blonde man, she did see some resemblance on both.

"Jaune, you look nothing like him!" The blonde man said while glaring at Tifania.

"I do too!" The little boy said while showing the picture to Blake. She was the smartest of her friends, so she knew what was right. "Blake, you think I look like him, right?"

Looking at the picture and then to Jaune and then to the Claude guy, Blake wasn't sure who was right. The guy in the picture was brown skinned, Jaune was currently bronze skinned, and the other guy was really pale. The picture had smooth white hair, Jaune had smooth blonde hair, and the other guy had spiky blonde hair. It was a tough to answer.

Thumb under her chin, she paced back and forth and took into account what her friends said. All of them liked the guy in the picture more, but maybe they were wrong. But what if they were right, and she chose wrong because she thought they were wrong?

"Hmm." She kept looking between the two and the picture. Looking at the moms, she saw them eyeing the stranger like he was the bad guy. That gave the answer.

Giving the picture back to Jaune, she pointed to Claude. "That guy's a phony!"

"What?" Claude hung his mouth open in disbelief.

"See? You're a phony!" Jaune mimicked Blake at pointing to Claude.

Soon all the kids were pointing at him and calling him the phony.

"Sweetie, why don't you and the others run along. Me and Summer will take care of this guy." His mom shooed them away.

After they were far away and out of hearing range, she gave the blonde man the bird and a miffed glare.

"What the hell are you doing here? How the fuck did you even find us?" She dropped the curse words on him.

"I came here to see my son." Claude said defensively.

"Then go see him." She shot back, not cooling down. "Just stop saying Jaune is him. You and the bitch made sure he wasn't your son."

"Tif, you have every right to be mad at me." Claude tried to stay calm despite the woman being mad.

"Eat a dick." The brunette turned away from him. "Let's go Summer. This guy has a lot of nerve."

"Tif, please!" Claude grabbed her arm. "I know I fucked up in the past, but I can explain everything. Just give me a chance to be with our son."

Her response was to back fist him into the ground. "He's mine. Not yours. _Mine._ "

As she stomped off, Summer ran after her friend. The blonde on the ground was still groaning in pain so it showed he was still alive; just in pain and bleeding. When she got close, she could hear her muttering about a lousy blonde dumbass.

"No pension, no calls, no fucking birthday presents." Tifania continued to mutter under her breath. After she stopped, she was just steaming while sitting on the bench.

"So." Summer said slowly sat next to her. "You and Claude were… something?"

The brunette snorted and flicked a strand of hair back.

"I don't wanna get into too much detail." Tifania said in a huff. "Short story: I was into brooding blonde spiky headed assholes and now I'm over him. Whatever we had, I regret because it was the most disappointing forty seconds of my life."

The last info got Summer to splutter and not laugh. Back then in Beacon, Summer remembered her friend – forty seconds? … Summer remembered her friend had the hugest crush on the guy, but he was always acting emo and brooding.

"And Keidash?" Summer prodded, trying to connect dots.

"You think I was able to make it through maternity alone?" Tifania asked her friend in a calmer tone. "Sums, I know I'm a badass but even a pregnant me needed help. And I didn't get it from those I thought would have my back. Not Claude, not my old team, and not you or Raven."

That hurt for Summer to hear. She forgot Tifania's parents died during her second year in Beacon. And while she and Raven were at each other's throats, Tifania had no one to help her out.

"I didn't know you and him were close." Summer said in a low tone. "Back in Beacon, he was the lazy student and you were the toughest girl around."

"Remember when you and Raven got into another spat and I got roped in?" Tifania reminded her friend.

"I remember." She said in guilt. "It was the first time you really got in-between us and swung everywhere."

"Yeah, well it also connects with the disappointing forty seconds I told you about. I was in a bad mood and I was tired of you two fighting. It was _that_ bad." The brunette said, getting Summer to groan. To sell another point, Tigania flexed her pinky in Summer's face.

Suddenly, Summer remembered something Tifania said during one of their conversations. It was when she and Jaune were moving out of the red light district.

"Oh my god." She said in shock. "So Keidash and you – you and Keidash – after me and Raven – he was the -"

"Yup." Tifania said, popping the p. "All the fighting got me pumped and he was there, so yeah. Turns out he isn't as lazy as he acts."

"He was the black guy you slept with? He really _is_ the father?" She said in disbelief.

"Hard to tell since neither of the two used protection." Tifania shrugged. Hearing Summer groan, she got defensive. "I was an idiot back then, okay? I thought I was on my safe days!"

" _Tifs._ " Summer groaned in disappointment. "We're never safe unless they've got it wrapped."

"Yeah, I know that now." She muttered.

"So Keidash is really the dad?" Summer asked again, just trying to clarify.

"More a dad than Claude ever was." Tifania answered reluctantly. "Don't get me wrong, the asshole walked out when Jaune turned two, but at least he stuck by to help me when I was pregnant. Claude was too busy shacking it up with some girl named Eris. Just my luck right? Struck out with two guys. If I could turn back the clock…"

Whatever Tifania was saying, her friend was not listening since her mind was elsewhere. Summer had half a mind to find those two men and whoop them for doing this to her friend. Tifania was the toughest girl in Beacon next to Raven, but she was also the nicest friend anyone would want. Who would abuse someone like that and not feel bad?

And a guy walked out on her? What dumbass would walk out on someone as hot as Tifania? She still has the same figure she had from Beacon even after giving birth! If Summer was a man, she'd be trying to tap that every night. Heck, she'd still tap that if she could.

' _Wait, what?'_ The silver eyed mom blinked from what her conscious said. Zoning back in, she noticed her friend was still talking.

"-But at least I have Jaune." Tifania sighed, looking to the kids playing around. "He's the best man in my life now. He loves me and looks up to me like I'm his goddess and superhero. You know the feeling, Sums?"

"Yeah." Summer smiled, knowing Jaune was good for her friend.

Looking at Ruby making friends, she agreed. Children had this way of giving parents a new lease on life; but only if they were willing to commit and raise them right. Looking back to Tifania, Summer felt her face flush when she knew she was staring too long.

' _That cant be it.'_ Summer shook her head. _'I mean I slept with guys before, so it cant be it, right?'_

"Let's get out of here, Sums." The brunette bumped shoulders with Summer. "I feel like bringing the kids to a movie or someplace cold to relax. You feel the same?"

"Y-yeah." Summer nodded while rubbing her shoulder.

After following for a bit, she felt awkward being behind her so moved up to walk next to Tifania. "Hey Tif. Can you tell me the name of that …lesbian, we saw during your move? I forgot her name."

"You mean Michi?" She smirked while raising a brow. "Why do you wanna know about her?"

"N-no reason." Summer averted her eyes. "It was just my first time meeting one, so it was a bit awkward. It's not everyday you meet someone that wants to as you quote 'sit on my face'."

The brunette laughed at her friend's red face. When they got the kids rounded up, it was a unanimous decision to go to the movies. Eight children and two single moms made a sight, especially when Blake argued to watch a ninja movie to prove Jaune wrong while Jaune wanted to see a gun toting loudmouth with swords.

In the end, both kids didn't get what they wanted since both were rated sixteen. They ended up watching an unrated local film, which was a comedy about a coach's sad and miserable life. The two moms would have enjoyed it, but they were red in the face when the ticket lady mistook them for a lesbian couple with their eight adopted kids.

The only difference was that Tifania was red from anger while Summer's was from embarrassment.

 **END**

 **AN: This was sort of a mother's day idea I had. While writing, I kept getting the feeling like I made Summer sound like a lesbian. I ran it by a guy, and he agreed. I thought of scrapping it, but then I was told I could use it since it wasn't like it was bad or forcefully put in. He said it felt like it was something growing and being realized like some relationships did.**

 **That's my late mother's day story out with some humor and reveals. Didn't focus on the kids, but the moms - because moms need attention too.**

 **And with a story in the AN, it feels like I'm giving two stories in one. It's two in one and feels tight. I hope it doesn't ruin the experience.**

 **ANYWAYS!**

 **Back to the other story**

 **Last time**

" **I took your MOJO!"**

" **Enough is enough!"**

 **Now**

" **Hey there, cool cat." She greeted him with a sultry voice. "I hear you're the man putting out action like it's free air."**

" **I don't know about that." Jitters crossed his arms and eyeing her up and down. Being in disguise so long, he had to cange his speech a bit. "Being in this toxic side, I don't get as much as I thought I would."**

" **Ooh, you're an ambitious one, aren't you?" She licked her lips and gliding up to him. Getting close, she felt his arms. "I like the ambitious type. They tend to be strong with a good head on their shoulders."**

" **Hm." He nodded, letting her get closer.**

" **Poor baby." She cooed, hugging him closer. "Someone like you not getting much? Maybe you just need to …relax~."**

" **Yeah. I could relax." Jitters pulled her by the small of her back. "But you know what I think I'd need more?"**

" **What?" She said as she pushed her hips against his.**

 **She didn't expect to be slammed into a wall hard.**

" **I think I need some MOJO!" He shouted, jumping to deliver a flying kick. "Tou!"**

" **Jitters!" The succubus seethed, realizing who he was. "I thought you were gone for good."**

" **You thought wrong, baby." Jitters cracked his neck. "Your second mistake was leaving me angry. Your third was leaving me in the pits full of poison shit. And your fourth was not finishin' me off!"**

" **What was the first mistake?" She asked.**

" **The first was stealing my mojo!" He shouted, jumping high into the air and catching her by the wings. "Since you took my good stuff I had to restock on what was around me. Now I'm an action packed, hard as nails, stone cold motherfucka here to take what's mine!"**

" **Then I'll just suck out whatever it is you have in you!" Zi-lay turned around and bit into his neck. He wasn't even fighting back as she continued to suckle on what he had. After three gulps though, she reeled back coughing and gagging. "What the hell is that? It tastes bitter and salty!"**

" **Can't handle it?" Jitters smirked. "It's all poison that I use to make something better."**

 **Pushing her down, he rummaged in her pockets and found the bottle full of his mojo. "There's my stuff."**

 **Opening the bottle, he chugged it down and felt the mojo mixing with the poison. It was trying hard to fight, but it felt like he didn't have enough mojo to contain all the toxic in him.**

" **Where's the rest of my mojo, bitch." He held the mojo sucker by her neck. She laughed and caressed his face to taunt him.**

" **You forget? I drank some of it." She told him. "Your mojo is still inside me, and I'm never giving it back."**

 **Dropping her, Jitterwhack tried to think of a way to get his mojo out of her. Killing her wasn't something he could do. Chances are, his mojo might disappear if he did kill the she devil. Using whatever mojo he had in him and the toxins, he felt an inspiration that just might work.**

" **You're right, Zi-lay." He said, picking her up and bringing her into an alley. "I can't take the mojo out of you. But maybe I can have you give it back."**

" **What are you saying?" She groaned, still sore from the beating he gave her.**

" **Zi-lay, when we first met you were all fine and knew your place." Jitterwhack said, placing her against the wall. "Now you're a bad bitch that likes to take more than give."**

 **Unbuttoning his shirt, Jitters pressed himself into her and massaged her sores he gave. "What you need is a little work…"**

" **And a ton of Jitters."**

 **Trolls and fans passing the alley heard moans and groans that were too NSFW to write in detail.**

" **I never thought it'd feel this good." Zi-lay groaned throatily.**

" **That's just the tip, baby." Jitters said into her ear. "Just the tip."**

" **Oooooh~. Give it all."**

" **Yeah girl! Yeah girl! Who's mojo is this? Who's mojo is this? Ungh!"**

" **Its yours daddy! It's yours dadd-EEEEH! Oh yes! It's YOURS! AaaaaaaAAAAh~!"**

 **Stepping out of the alley, Jitterwhack was back again with mojo and more. Calling one of his kids, Fate and Destiny he gave her something new to show the world. Picking up his phone, he called The Great Fantaman.**

" **I'm back, man. And thanks for holding onto Crayon Days for me." He told his fan.**

 **Turning back into the alley after hanging up, he saw the dry husk of the mojo sucker.**

" **I prefer the cat girls over yo' loose pussy." He remarked before leaving. Holding the mask of his other disguise, he pocketed it. "May as well do two if I can."**

 **END**

 **AN: I told you guys I'd tell it the fun way.**


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